I sat with some loneliness and intense sexual feelings. I sift through some old feelings of Christian guilt and shame around sexual thoughts as I feel my feelings, as I sit in zazen.
Meditation Poems #13
churning, turning
illusions seem real
I sit with what is
(Blueberry bush in Autumn)
Dear Friend,
First off, I am surprised that you come to be seeking guidance on romantic love. I feel like you could guide me more authentically and wisely than I could. I have not always loved well, nor allowed myself be loved with gentleness. I think we all struggle with this.
I know you are young, and lots of people are advising you to be careful and not rush into love. I for one make no such suggestion. Let your heart love fully and without restraint. Part of learning to love is having it break from time to time, so it can be remolded. Just remember to let it soften, instead of becoming hard like stone.
It has been my experience that real love makes the heart expand, and real love for me cannot occur until I have opened myself to the Divine Lover. No human power can love you or love me fully, we will always be let down. So I make no suggestions about finding the perfect person, navigating online dating, or where to find the love of your life.
My guidance for you since you asked for it, would be to learn to be at peace with solitude. Spend your alone hours building your relationship with the God of your understanding, and just bask in the love between you and your God. The rest will follow.
All of this is easier said than done. There will be hours of the day that you are hit with profound loneliness and longing, the type that can easily lead one to despair. I have ventured into the dark waters of self pity, despair, hopelessness and suicidal thoughts; there’s no real love in such darkness. However, hope and love can be a beacon of light out of such darkness.
Remember that love does not happen when we always want it, so be at peace with yourself. Enjoy the quiet hours of your life, and embrace loving the very people in your life instead of always seeking for the one.
I hope love finds you again and again, until you are at home with the one who breathed life into you and calls you by name.
Love and Love,
Your Friend on this Journey of Life
“true loneliness”
searching for connections,
yearning for love.
Only to be alone.
We all seek connection, and in an age that technology connects us instantly with a touch of a bottom, I find it more difficult to find genuine connections.
A connection of the heart requires presence and time. Most days I am happy with the life I have been given, but it’d be nice to have someone to share it with. 😉 Thanks for reading.
( poem first posted on my poetry site: http://hellopoetry.com/poem/1856249/true-loneliness/)
Dear Friend,
I know you are lost in your sadness, and your heart is hurting right now. Everything in your bones is telling you that this pain you feel will never go away. I am here with you, and instead of telling you not to wallow in your pain I will simply let you know that you are not alone.
I too know what it’s like to have heartache, but I say that not to lessen your pain or even to say our pain is the same, because it’s not. Each pain and ache is different, and as you travel down the depths of sadness I will be here waiting for you. I pray that a loving God of your understanding travels with you and guide you safely to the world you are trying so hard to be in, even though it feels like you are sleep walking.
Time takes time, and please I hope you do not fight laughter and joy returning to your life, when you start awakening to life again. I thought I would be numb forever, and somehow slowly my heart started remawakening to each day. Sometimes I still cry, but I laugh a lot too. Don’t forget you are not alone, and I’ll be here waiting as you make the journey back home to your heart.
In the Light,
A fellow traveler
Letters To A Young Spiritual Seeker 