Poem: Pandemic Blues

social distancing sounds cool, but for those who struggle with disconnection

fear of connection leaves them longing to break out of prison of their own minds

I have seen 4 friends die this past year to drug related causes, and one friend died because his lungs failed him by the dreaded Covid-19

when I was 19 I didn’t have a care in the world, and now I am paralyzed by unseen enemy that lurks in the air

yet life goes on. vaxxed and boostered, I muster up the courage to face crowds masked and sometimes unmasked.

with my trusty dog, I brave the cold and walk into the unknown.

still somedays I just want to cry, but also give thanks that I have not died. I am still here left standing, when so many have fade away.

I keep walking the path, even though I know not where it will lead…

Little Losses

Sadness is part of life. However, there’s a strange reality of life during pandemic is that I have continued to go on without acknowledging all the cumulative losses.

Since March of 2020, I have experienced being laid off, being rehired 3 months later, moving during the pandemic, and loss of physical support systems. Things I have gained are a lot of zoom friends, online support, new passion/hobby, and a dog.

In the beginning, there a lot of anxiety but also the excitement of the unknown. Fast forward almost two years later, two vaccine shots and a booster shot later, I have endured a slow loss of the life I had known before. Many nights are spent at my home with my dog, and I have slowly embraced my solitude. However, some days a deep sadness and loneliness sets in, where I do not know what to do with. I am struggling to breathe and practice with what is. I sometime waiver and want to feel the void with yet another relationship that is wrong for me. How do I commit, communicate, and cultivate loving friendships and relationships? So far I haven’t discovered an answer, I am trying to live into the answer the best I can.